“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” A.B

Some time ago I wrote and article for Helium about how to make the best of each moment, which explained how in each situation there is always a little something we don’t usually notice that will bring up the bright side. Before we can make the most of the moment though, we have to make the choice of throwing ourselves in. There’s no way we can fully experience from out there.

Photo by Jphilipson

Ok, but why take the step when it’s so stable and safe where I am now?

Stability and safety are probably the two things most people are looking to reach in their life. The problem with it? It becomes boring. And when people are bored they feel unsatisfied and instead of enjoying what they have worked so hard to build, they start thinking.
Thinking is powerful. It can help, improve, and solve any situation by bringing the smallest idea to life. Unfortunately, it also has the power to destroy dreams, bring doubts and regrets and therefore make our life miserable.

So how do I jump in?

Stop thinking! Don’t stay there trying to see in your head how things will turn. If you know you really want to do it, then give it a try! You might have done research, asked people’s opinion, been given advices, but since we’re all different, we might not see things the same way other have. Don’t you want to know what there is for you out there?

Don’t waste time trying to guess what others think either, you’ll never move!

I’m in, so what now?

Things usually go faster once you’ve made the big step. Here are a few things we tend to forget which can help enhance your experience.

#1 Don’t expect, be ready!

Expectations may be one of the things that can truly bring disappointment. If we’re not open to eventualities and are just waiting for things to come as we were told they would, then making the most of the experience might be an issue. If you’re not ready to deal with the unknown, too afraid things will be different from what you’ve heard, think about it and ask yourself why you didn’t just stay home watching a movie about it.

#2 Do your best!

If you can always bring out the best of you, and remember to do it, positivity will not only affect you, but all those around. Whether it is people who are part of the experience, but also the ones who are not necessarily next to you; family, friends, and others you might influence and who just like you will research before jumping in.

#3 Learn from it!

There is always something new to learn from any experience. The smallest things will probably confirm your ideas, improve what you already do or open doors to something new to discover. If you fail, there’s even more to learn. Of course it will take time and motivation, but how did you think other people know more than you do?

#4 Most of all, Have fun!

The very important point: don’t forget to have fun! was probably what made you want to make the step in the first place. I won’t write too much about it as I’m sure, most of us know how to have fun. Any experience can be seen as good if we had a great time and enjoyed. Yes, that’s all it takes.

Don’t forget that when we’re having fun, time usually goes faster, and in most cases we tend to forget the first 3 points which can really make the difference. These ideas can apply in any situation, in our everyday life. When we think about it, how many times could we have really, fully experienced, learned and shared? These are small and easy things we could do, but then again, the hardest part is to remember them.

Failure I think is the one reason why most of us, stay there in our comfort zone, hoping for exciting adventures and success to emerge out of the blue. After a little while; or a life time, we just realize it’s too late, and all we can do now is just stay sited in this same comfort zone and contemplate what smarter people have accomplished.

Image by extranoise

While failing may prevent us from taking initiatives, it is in fact what can help us improve our way to success. In almost everything in life, there are going to be many tries before perfection. From learning to stand and walk to making our biggest dream a reality, it is very hard to see a result just by sitting there and hoping it will happen. It may. Wait a little more, and you’ll tell me.

Why are we so afraid to fail? Are we afraid to fall when we try walking for the first time? It doesn’t seem so for me.

Is it because we’re afraid of what people around us may think? Some might laugh; others will just pretend to care. In the worst case we’ll be pointed out and be seen as some crazy freak who thinks life is that simple. From there the best is to use what you can. Listen to their advices and warning but don’t let them kill your desire. Ideas can seem insignificant and unrealizable when they start, but how did you think the greatest things in this world happen?

There are times when failing is seen as wasting; wasting time, money, energy. If we see it this way, then there’s something we’re doing wrong. This, because every time something didn’t work as well as we thought it would have, we learn. Turn around, and see where the crack is. Once you know where it is and how it happened then, there’s no waste. I recently read “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over hopping for a different result”. There is waste when you don’t take time to understand what causes the failure and just decide to give it another blind try or more commonly, give up.

I don’t believe in an overnight miracle recipe that will one day appear in my mailbox. For everything we want to achieve there’s a price. Reaching the destination may not be easy and failing WILL be part of the journey, but before we know the smartest way to get there the only solution to avoid the no-exit streets is to know where they are.

I couldn’t resist posting Leo’s letter (Zenhabits) here.

Photo by Dr.Nomad

There are so many things to share everyday, with your friends and family, so many advices that could have been given to prevent and help suffering. Writing a letter to his son, I think is a fantastic idea. I’m actually thinking about translating it in French. I bet it could help more than one lost soul out there!

A Letter to My Son, on Starting Out In Life

Dear Seth,

You’re only three years old, and at this point in your life you can’t read, much less understand what I’m going to try to tell you in this letter. But I’ve been thinking a lot about the life that you have ahead of you, about my life so far as I reflect on what I’ve learned, and about my role as a dad in trying to prepare you for the trials that you will face in the coming years.

You won’t be able to understand this letter today, but someday, when you’re ready, I hope you will find some wisdom and value in what I share with you.

You are young, and life has yet to take its toll on you, to throw disappointments and heartaches and loneliness and struggles and pain into your path. You have not been worn down yet by long hours of thankless work, by the slings and arrows of everyday life.

For this, be thankful. You are at a wonderful stage of life. You have many wonderful stages of life still to come, but they are not without their costs and perils.

I hope to help you along your path by sharing some of the best of what I’ve learned. As with any advice, take it with a grain of salt. What works for me might not work for you.

Life Can Be Cruel
There will be people in your life who won’t be very nice. They’ll tease you because you’re different, or for no good reason. They might try to bully you or hurt you.

There’s not much you can do about these people except to learn to deal with them, and learn to choose friends who are kind to you, who actually care about you, who make you feel good about yourself. When you find friends like this, hold on to them, treasure them, spend time with them, be kind to them, love them.

There will be times when you are met with disappointment instead of success. Life won’t always turn out the way you want. This is just another thing you’ll have to learn to deal with. But instead of letting these things get you down, push on. Accept disappointment and learn to persevere, to pursue your dreams despite pitfalls. Learn to turn negatives into positives, and you’ll do much better in life.

You will also face heartbreak and abandonment by those you love. I hope you don’t have to face this too much, but it happens. Again, not much you can do but to heal, and to move on with your life. Let these pains become stepping stones to better things in life, and learn to use them to make you stronger.

But Be Open to Life Anyway
Yes, you’ll find cruelty and suffering in your journey through life … but don’t let that close you to new things. Don’t retreat from life, don’t hide or wall yourself off. Be open to new things, new experiences, new people.

You might get your heart broken 10 times, but find the most wonderful woman the 11th time. If you shut yourself off from love, you’ll miss out on that woman, and the happiest times of your life.

You might get teased and bullied and hurt by people you meet … and then after meeting dozens of jerks, find a true friend. If you close yourself off to new people, and don’t open your heart to them, you’ll avoid pain … but also lose out on meeting some incredible people, who will be there during the toughest times of your life and create some of the best times of your life.

You will fail many times but if you allow that to stop you from trying, you will miss out on the amazing feeling of success once you reach new heights with your accomplishments. Failure is a stepping stone to success.

Life Isn’t a Competition
You will meet many people who will try to outdo you, in school, in college, at work. They’ll try to have nicer cars, bigger houses, nicer clothes, cooler gadgets. To them, life is a competition — they have to do better than their peers to be happy.

Here’s a secret: life isn’t a competition. It’s a journey. If you spend that journey always trying to impress others, to outdo others, you’re wasting your journey. Instead, learn to enjoy the journey. Make it a journey of happiness, of constant learning, of continual improvement, of love.

Don’t worry about having a nicer car or house or anything material, or even a better-paying job. None of that matters a whit, and none of it will make you happier. You’ll acquire these things and then only want more. Instead, learn to be satisfied with having enough — and then use the time you would have wasted trying to earn money to buy those things … use that time doing things you love.

Find your passion, and pursue it doggedly. Don’t settle for a job that pays the bills. Life is too short to waste on a job you hate.

Love Should Be Your Rule
If there’s a single word you should live your life by, it should be this: Love. It might sound corny, I know … but trust me, there’s no better rule in life.

Some would live by the rule of success. Their lives will be stressful, unhappy and shallow.

Others would live by the rule of selfishness — putting their needs above those of others. They will live lonely lives, and will also be unhappy.

Still others will live by the rule of righteousness — trying to show the right path, and admonishing anyone who doesn’t live by that path. They are concerned with others, but in a negative way, and in the end will only have their own righteousness to live with, and that’s a horrible companion.

Live your life by the rule of love. Love your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends, with all of your heart. Give to them what they need, and show them not cruelty nor disapproval nor coldness nor disappointment, but only love. Open your soul to them.

Love not only your loved ones, but your neighbors … your coworkers … strangers … your brothers and sisters in humanity. Offer anyone you meet a smile, a kind word, a kind gesture, a helping hand.

Love not only neighbors and strangers … but your enemy. The person who is cruelest to you, who has been unkind to you … love him. He is a tortured soul, and most in need of your love.

And most of all, love yourself. While others may criticize you, learn not to be so hard on yourself, to think that you’re ugly or dumb or unworthy of love … but to think instead that you are a wonderful human being, worthy of happiness and love … and learn to love yourself for who you are.

Finally, know that I love you and always will. You are starting out on a weird, scary, daunting, but ultimately incredibly wonderful journey, and I will be there for you when I can. Godspeed.

Love,
Your Dad

There are times when you feel like you give too much, whether it is to your family, friends or random acquaintances that happened to meet your way. In most cases when you start giving advices, money, material goods or even time, people tend to ask for more and some will, as much as they can. When you stop for whatever reason (the person is not following your advices; you want to focus more on yourself or you’ve noticed no matter how much you can give the only way someone could get out of trouble is their own determination) two things usually happen:

#1 They realize something has changed and they start loosing interest in you. If they feel they can’t drain anything from you anymore, they usually disappear, and will look for someone else to support them in their endless misery. Often, people just don’t see how much they trap themselves into their gloom and think they constantly need someone to be there to watch them dig deeper. Ephemeral bliss, short moments when they forget about being miserable are the only positive impacts your giving would bring.

#2 Some other people when they notice you’re giving less than you usually do will take time to understand why you’ve stopped and will start giving in return. This is usually how long term relationships start. Once both individuals know they don’t need to watch how much they are giving because they know it will return in anyway, sooner or later, giving then becomes natural.

One of the two points seems negative compared with the other. Who would like to waste time or more giving for nothing? Well, when you really think about it, it is NOT nothing. Even if you don’t see the return of your support, you will always feel better giving for nothing than not giving at all.

Image by Uckhet

#1 It brings a terrible feeling not to have paid enough attention to the people around you when you know later that you could have taken some time to show you care. What most people don’t realize is that we don’t often have second chances. Even when we do, they might not be as thrilling as the first try.

#2 Knowing you could have done something that would have entirely turned a situation is a feeling far more devastating than what you feel when you give with no return. You won’t necessarily know how important your support is for another person, and people are often too arrogant to let it out. However, when it happens, you also get your part of happiness.

#3 Finally, if you think there’s just nothing you could ever give to get someone out of their misery, look again. Just being there sometimes helps. Once again, you might not be aware of your impact, but if they keep coming to you, you are probably helping already more than you think.

We still don’t have access to Internet but I am writing this now while I can fully experience the situation. God, how disconnected from the world I can feel right now. I was reduced to look for a gardener on the Yellow pages, thing I haven’t done for too long now. When you are hooked, it is really, really hard to live without it: You are not going to the movies, because you don’t know how to check the timetables, you don’t order food because you don’t see the menu in the phone book, you can’t check websites when you see something interesting on TV, and you are forced to open a dictionary when you don’t know how to spell a word, when all you had to do before was to open your iGoogle page, and I haven’t started talking about communicating with your friends and family yet… which is one of the first reasons why people would get an internet connection. So here is a 5 tips to survive without internet for a week, read it now, before it’s too late.

#1 Keep the yellow pages

When we received the phone books I almost laughed and said: “Who on earth would actually open one of these big books to look for a restaurant or a shop! They should just minimize the use of paper and stop printing stuff out.” There are three books and they are HUGE!

Well as I wrote earlier, having them around will help. I don’t know how I would have found a gardener today if we didn’t have them and seriously, it wasn’t that hard.

#2 Have a dictionary around

Who would have thought a good old dictionary could still be useful. Today a friend of mine came home and while he was sending a text message he asked me how to spell the word “cutlery”. I really thought it uses two “t” but his phone’s T9 didn’t recognize the word. No Internet, we had to open the dictionary that was sleeping on the lounge table.

#3 Keep restaurants menus and try not to lose them.

When you go out for lunch or dinner, check if the restaurant does take away and ask for a copy of their menu. The most difficult part after that is to keep the menu at a place you will remember when you will need it. The best way I believe is to give it to the most organized person in the house, or have it stuck on a board or on the door of your fridge. There‘s nothing more frustrating than looking for something you know you have but can’t put a hand on.

#4 Watch the news

I have on my Igoogle page gadgets which updates every time something happens on the news, local and international. I usually have a quick look at the headlines and open anything that catches my interests. When you’re not connected, well, you have to watch the news.

#5 Tell people around you

When you are connected all the time and actually replying to your emails, make sure the people around you know you don’t have internet for a while. They will start worrying if you are generally connected on messenger services, updating your facebook status, posting new articles on your blog, and keeping up with forums you’re regularly writing on.

Remember how long you have lived without internet and don’t worry too much, it is only for a short period of time. See it as a way of getting prepared in case you have to stay longer without it. Use this time to visit your friends, improve your social skills and accomplish the things you usually put on hold because of the distraction Internet causes. It’s funny I am writing this, but I can’t wait…

PS: I still don’t have the net, just managed to check my mail and post this from school

I have come across this article about addiction, which of course caught my attention (no i didn’t Google it). Almost everything around us can become an addiction, from food, alcohol, soft drinks, games but also feelings.

The article describes and analyzes the process, behavior and way to get over it. It is just crazy how hard we can close our eyes when there are people trying to help around and that no matter what they may say or do, we can pretend, but we just don’t see it the same way. I guess it’s because whether we’re feeling happy or sad, once we know how comfortable we are in this bubble we’ve created, it takes a lot to face the world.

From denials to the motivation we need to overcome in a fight against addiction, here are interesting lines from the article.

We’ve often been wondering if we’re partying too much. Wiser people say yes, and others think we should make the most of our youth while we can. Why? Well because we don’t want to build a load of regrets that would be eating us from the inside once we’re on the other side. Addiction doesn’t necessarily come from partying (although it may lead to it), so why should we stop?

We’re having fun!

Do I sound like an addict?

Addiction occurs when you can’t stop doing something, even when you want to.

Drug abuse is something else…..it does not necessarily imply addiction. Full blown addiction occurs when control is lost and the person has no choice but to continue to self medicate. Of course, this can occur with alcohol, chemicals, sex, food, and so on.

Because they are hooked, and want to keep self-medicating, they convince themselves that they are not really hooked because they want to keep using. This is your basic form of denial.

For example, we might be clean and sober and find ourselves getting into a relationship with someone that–deep down–we know is no good for us. But the idea of being romantically involved with someone feels good and we ignore the red flags and the advice of our peers and we pursue the dangerous relationship anyway. This, too, is denial, and it is more insidious because it doesn’t lead directly to relapse. But it is still denial, and could eventually get us into big trouble, eventually leading up to a full relapse.When an addict gets to the point of surrender, they ask for help. This is the turning point. It represents their start in recovery.

Related Reading: How to convince someone that they are an alcoholic or drug addict

I couldn’t resist, I had to make a post on what I call my “Grrrreeeen” phase. Why “Grrrr”? Well because it seems to be really difficult to sensitize people. No matter how much you talk about it, or try your best to act as green as possible, it just doesn’t seem work. So could you tell me how they’re supposed to make the whole planet do it? Anyway, here’s a list of the Grrreeen things I’ve been checking lately.

1. In Heat, George Monbiot explains how he believes we can reach a 90 percent carbon emission cut by 2030. He asks how we’re supposed to minimize our carbon footprints if we’re not all willing to take the step, for instance, why would one make the effort of using energy efficient light bulbs when his neighbor shows off his 1.2 million Christmas lights? He clearly believes the only way we can “live better” would be to make the government force us to apply eco friendly measures. Seriously, after trying to convert my own household, I’m starting to believe he’s right.

These two words have been confusing our minds so we thought we would research them in order to use them appropriately next time. According to Answers.com, the dictionary you get from a Google search, Pity is defined as Sympathy and sorrow aroused by the misfortune or suffering of another. I don’t really know if i agree. Let’s research the word Sympathy…

Sympathy is defined as A relationship or an affinity between people or things in which whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other, while Compassion would mean Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it, See synonyms at Pity.

According to this search, these three words mean the same. However, after a long discussion (we were waiting for the our food to be served; the service wasn’t that great) we found ourselves debating on the real meaning of “Pity”, and what was the difference with compassion.

Pity could be defined as a position when we perceive sadness for one’s suffering that doesn’t include us relating to the pain, or willing to do much about it. When we’re exposed to suffering and more than just noticing it, we’re sharing it, feeling sorrow and able to see ourself in the shoes of the person suffering, that is Compassion.

I guess we’re more likely to experience Pity with people we don’t know, or people we do know but whom we’re not really willing to help, whereas Compassion is felt toward family members, close friends or people in a suffering position we have experienced before.

“Why develop compassion in your life? Well, there are scientific studies that suggest there are physical benefits to practicing compassion — people who practice it produce 100 percent more DHEA, which is a hormone that counteracts the aging process, and 23 percent less cortisol — the “stress hormone.”

But there are other benefits as well, and these are emotional and spiritual. The main benefit is that it helps you to be more happy, and brings others around you to be more happy. If we agree that it is a common aim of each of us to strive to be happy, then compassion is one of the main tools for achieving that happiness. It is therefore of utmost importance that we cultivate compassion in our lives and practice compassion every day.

How do we do that? This guide contains 7 different practices that you can try out and perhaps incorporate into your every day life.”

Happy reading!

When you take the time calm down and reflect on your current situation, there are two things that come in mind: you feel good, or you don’t.

When you don’t, what can help is “thinking little”, seeing closer. Those million little things that make your everyday living are things you should be grateful for, but to which most of us don’t really pay attention. It’s is only when we are not happy that we think about them, and it is true, it helps a lot.

The second thing is when everything just seems to go “right”. Even when you know, in the back of your mind that there still are things you need to do, or issues needing to be taken care of, you just feel good. You feel like you can conquer the world, and speaking your thoughts out loud has never been so easy.

Make the most of them! Don’t wait to take the step, and just jump into the pool. Why am I talking about this? Because these moments come and go. They don’t last, and you have no idea when they might be back.

It’s only when they go that you become aware of how you feel, what you could have done and how well you would feel right now if you had dared.

Not only would you have given a try to this thing you’ve wanted to do but it is by starting things that we’re able to do more. Haven’t you heard “money makes money” or “appetite comes from eating”? Try not to think ( I know it’s not that easy) but sometimes, just like these mornings when you don’t want to get out of bed, and you just do it without listening to your mind, because you know it processes just so you can stay a few more minutes.

Most of the things we don’t do seem to be the same as the bed story, but on a more significant scale. If we keep thinking too much about what could happen, then slowly we start accepting the idea of not doing it at all, and this is how we miss on things that could have made the difference. Go for it while you know you can, don’t add more regrets to the list.

Happy reading!

This time, I’ve actually chosen to let everyone have a look at my blog. This is it. I am not really happy so far with the theme, but while I’m looking (and God knows how long such a process can take) I’ll start posting.

Yeah, but about what?

Well I’ve found a sudden interest in Carbon footprints, recycling and such. So for the first posts that is all you will have to read. I only hope, some will get interested as well, and give me more ideas to help us live better. Happy reading!

Oh the picture? Yes I’m just trying around.

Hinaraurea